They tell me time heals - and I know they are right! I have healed - a lot! Spending time in Mom's home over Christmas was very healing for me. Seeing her little things scattered around her house, her beloved Christmas tree blinking in the sunlight with decorations as old as I am! Her favourite bone-china coffee cups lovingly displayed on shelves in a busy kitchen. And pictures of us as kids, looking gangly, with old fashioned hair styles and big teeth that we hadn't grown into! Pictures that Mom loved, reminding her of happy days when we were all growing up together!
That's all she wanted really! Never one for materialistic stuff - never wanting fancy outfits and expensive perfumes! Happy always to settle for second best, with then smell of floury scones filling her little home!
I don't want to have a birthday without her. I worry that there is no-one around to remind my brothers and how will feel if they forget? I worry that it might slip Dad's mind - he has enough on it already without worrying about remembering that I am turning another year older! Mom was always there - and now she's not! I will go to the cemetery and share some flowers with her. I will tell her how much I miss her and I wish, just one more time, I could hear her voice. I will look at her old card and journals, and see that familiar script, preserved in ink forever. I will be reminded of her prayers that have always followed me!
I know she is with me always. In the chirping of the birds that she loved to watch .. in the warmth of the woolen scarf she kept around her shoulders and in the legacy she left in my daughter who loves and cares so much!
I love you Mommy! Always and forever!