Sunday, September 1, 2013

The Dating Game ...

I haven't played this game in a long time.  And I'm not playing it again ... for now anyway!  I have VERY clear ideas on what I want, and what I don't want ... selfish?  Maybe, but now I can be!

I don't want a relationship!  Relationships lead to expectations, and expectations lead to (God forbid) commitment.  I don't want someone to look after me.  I can look after myself.  I don't need someone to spoil me.  I spoil myself whenever I feel like it (maybe ... I can do some spoiling?)  I don't want to have to ask if it's ok to have lunch with my friends, or go to book club, or have my hair or nails done!  I don't want to be questioned about whether I NEEDED a new pair of jeans, or WANTED them!  I don't want a boyfriend!

I would like a friend!  Someone I can talk to.  Someone who gives me butterflies when the phone rings, or message beeps!  Maybe a stolen week-end away with no strings attached.

I DO believe in happy marriages.  I know of MANY.  But I have been down that road ... twice and being the good girl never got me anywhere.  I was told by someone on Friday night, that he could fall in love with me, "but you give me the cold shoulder!" I am so glad he got the message - I don't want to fall in love, or have anyone fall in love with me.  Not now!

To my male friends who are married or in relationships - please don't pass cute remarks.  I know the difference between flirting and being nice.  It makes me uncomfortable and I will not go down that road.

I have learnt so much over the past few months, and have been contemplating this post for a while.  So what have I learnt?  To let go of all the negative things in my life.  Not to "sweat the small stuff'.  That happiness is vital and if something makes me unhappy, to let it go.  I have learnt to stay away from gossip.  If people have things to say, that's their right - maybe I gave them something to talk about and that's ok!  I just won't be a part of it.  I have learnt not to be ashamed of my age, or who I am.  I am not ashamed of my wrinkles (although I can't say I LIKE them ;))  Each one has a story to tell - hopefully the smile ones are the more prominent.  I learnt that age is but a number, and that I am only as young as I feel ... and right now, I'm feeling exactly the same way as I did when I was 20!

Disclaimer:  These are my thoughts only.  No-one prompted me to write them down and they are not directed at anyone or meant to offend anyone.


Rebecca Lobb said...

I admire your honesty in this.

Firefly said...

I really like when you say: "I would like a friend! Someone I can talk to. Someone who gives me butterflies when the phone rings, or message beeps! Maybe a stolen week-end away with no strings attached."

No serious relationship is what you need right now. Just fun. Its something I tell a divorced girlfriend all the time. She's looking for the right guy and I tell her just to have fun. The right guy will come along when she doesn't look for or expect it. And perhaps he will sneak up on you as well. But go and have fun.

Tracey Chapman said...

Wow Jan, haven't been on your blog for a while. Always such a pleasure to read. I am so proud of you, you are just amazing!!