I don't want a relationship! Relationships lead to expectations, and expectations lead to (God forbid) commitment. I don't want someone to look after me. I can look after myself. I don't need someone to spoil me. I spoil myself whenever I feel like it (maybe ... I can do some spoiling?) I don't want to have to ask if it's ok to have lunch with my friends, or go to book club, or have my hair or nails done! I don't want to be questioned about whether I NEEDED a new pair of jeans, or WANTED them! I don't want a boyfriend!
I would like a friend! Someone I can talk to. Someone who gives me butterflies when the phone rings, or message beeps! Maybe a stolen week-end away with no strings attached.
I DO believe in happy marriages. I know of MANY. But I have been down that road ... twice and being the good girl never got me anywhere. I was told by someone on Friday night, that he could fall in love with me, "but you give me the cold shoulder!" I am so glad he got the message - I don't want to fall in love, or have anyone fall in love with me. Not now!
To my male friends who are married or in relationships - please don't pass cute remarks. I know the difference between flirting and being nice. It makes me uncomfortable and I will not go down that road.
I have learnt so much over the past few months, and have been contemplating this post for a while. So what have I learnt? To let go of all the negative things in my life. Not to "sweat the small stuff'. That happiness is vital and if something makes me unhappy, to let it go. I have learnt to stay away from gossip. If people have things to say, that's their right - maybe I gave them something to talk about and that's ok! I just won't be a part of it. I have learnt not to be ashamed of my age, or who I am. I am not ashamed of my wrinkles (although I can't say I LIKE them ;)) Each one has a story to tell - hopefully the smile ones are the more prominent. I learnt that age is but a number, and that I am only as young as I feel ... and right now, I'm feeling exactly the same way as I did when I was 20!
Disclaimer: These are my thoughts only. No-one prompted me to write them down and they are not directed at anyone or meant to offend anyone.