Time to move on ...

Ann Landers said, "Some people believe holidng on and hanging in there are signs of great strength.  However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then do it".

This post is long over-due.  I have grown, I have changed.  My focus is different.  It's time for me to move on.  I have loved this blog and have "met" some amazing people through it.  There was a time when it was so important to me - important for me to record our lives as a family, important to record some of the hardes losses I have had to deal with and to record some of the happiest days of my life.

By moving on, I won't be forgetting my past, but will start focusing on my furture.

I will be closing this blog and opening a new one.  When I'm ready, and when my creative juices start running again.

I shall post my new link here, so this is not goodbye, but simply farewell until my inspiration returns.

Winding Down ...

This has to be my favourite time of the year.

Especially knowing that I have a holiday around the corner and will be able to spend some time in my "happy place"! The anticipation of Christmas, the preparation, the lists, the baking, the thought going into those special gifts for special people ... last year I just couldn't get into the spirit of things. I suppose my situation at the time would not allow it and I just didn't have the energy for fun!

This year is very different! I have almost finished my Christmas shopping – I have NO intention of going to any Malls on holiday. The only shopping I want to do is grocery shopping! I have planned and packed our Christmas table decorations, next week I start baking and most of my gifts are bought, wrapped and labelled! Started getting my beach clothes together ... the excitement is almost too much!

But first, is the wind down at work. My first year-end function is tonight at the JSE Securities Exchange. The start of silly season! Lunches, office parties and Summer Cup! Handing over to assistants and making sure there are no outstanding queries or issues. So much to do in 16 days, hopefully it will help the time fly by.

As far as my Bucket List goes –crossed off another one – I have a tattoo! And I LOVE it! Makes me happy every time I see it! Two are a work in progress – planning a trip to the UK in July / August next year. Meeting up with two of my oldest friends, Jose (who lives in Austria) and Lynne (who lives in Scotland). That's something to look forward to. I have also planned to take horse riding lessons in the New Year, as soon as I get back in January.

A busy time ahead – I must just remain focused and in my "busyness" not forget to connect with the people who mean a lot to me!

Bucket List

One of my favourite movies was "The Bucket List" starring Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman. Not only are they two very accomplished actors, I found the story sad and funny at the same time, as well as thought provoking. Imagine, logging down all the things you want to do before you die. Hope I still have a long wait – before I "kick the bucket" – maybe that where the term comes from? Anyone know?

My bucket list might not be all that exciting to some, but there a few things that deal with me facing my fears and there are some that are just "goals" – there isn't a single thing I want to regret not doing!

• Bring my weight down and get in shape!
  
• Visit America and meet a REAL cowboy!
  
• Reunite with my old friends in the UK squeeze in a visit to Ascot
  
• Lead in my very own horse on its first win
  
• Have my own racing colours
  
• Learn how to ride a horse not sure about this one – been told it's irresponsible!
  
• Get a tattoo
  
• Be the proud owner of a Merc
  
• See David Essex live!
  
• Have my own a Bed & Breakfast
  
• Go on a cruise
  
• Enjoy my own bowl of Beluga caviar washed down with a bottle of Krug 1988 Champagne
  

Not a very long list, but hey! Who says I can't add to it as I go along! I've already achieved the two highlighted in red! Mmmm! Time to start working on the next one!

 

It could have been you...

Chatting to my assistant at work this morning, and she was telling me about a project that her church, The Florida Lake Adventist Church, are working on - a presentation this week-end about Rape. Sexual Violence in our country is rife – in fact we are probably one of the highest ranked countries in the world. The South African police have estimated that every 36 seconds, a woman is raped. The sad part is that many of these "women" are only little girls, some of them babies and the frightening part is that so little is done about it. The perpetrators seem to get away with it, time and time again. Perhaps, because so many of these crimes are not reported, often due to fear of victimisation.

It breaks my heart to think of the fear, the hurt (emotional), the pain (physical) and sheer horror of a crime like this.

The ladies in the church are collecting "Victims Packages" and have each put a package together, which will be delivered to various police stations, and handed out to victims once reporting their situation. Such basic necessities that could make a massive difference to someone suffering the trauma. I have no doubt it would never ease the pain, but might just give them back a tiny bit of dignity.

Victims Package

• Bath Soap
  
• Face Cloth
  
• Underwear (small, medium or large)
  
• Body Lotion
  
• Toothpaste
  
• Toothbrush
  
• Brush / Comb
  
• Sanitary towels
  
• Packed in a pretty toiletry bag
  

Might be a nice idea for a group of ladies, like a book club, to get together and deliver some packages to their local police station. I've sponsored one – will you?

Just one last time...

So many things I'd like to do ... just one last time!

• Catch tiny silver fish in rock pools with a pink net
  
• Experience my first day in high school, the anticipation of growing up in front of me
  
• Dance in the rain and not care about getting wet
  
• Enjoy "YOUNG" music without my friends looking at me as if I had lost the plot – some of it is really good!
  
• Travel ... for the first time – gotta love that excitement
  
• Gaze into the eyes of my beautiful, baby girl, (who is all grown up now) and just soak in the magic of being a mother
  
• Hold my precious Mom's hands and just talk ... and talk ... and talk!

Morning Smiles!

One of the highlights of my morning, is the "paper man" who stands on the corner of Kelvin and Rivonia Roads every morning. With his bright red coat, The Star, emblazoned across it in white and his big pile of newspapers! He stands on the corner, full of beans, chatting and smiling at every car that goes by!

He knows I won't buy a paper, because I told him that I get one at work every day, but that doesn't stop him from running up to my car every morning ... "Morning M'ami" he calls, " have a wonderful day!" and he touches his heart!

He lifts me, every day and reminds to be happy with what I have. Because there are people out there with little, who constantly have a smile on their faces!

The Dating Game ...

I haven't played this game in a long time.  And I'm not playing it again ... for now anyway!  I have VERY clear ideas on what I want, and what I don't want ... selfish?  Maybe, but now I can be!

I don't want a relationship!  Relationships lead to expectations, and expectations lead to (God forbid) commitment.  I don't want someone to look after me.  I can look after myself.  I don't need someone to spoil me.  I spoil myself whenever I feel like it (maybe ... I can do some spoiling?)  I don't want to have to ask if it's ok to have lunch with my friends, or go to book club, or have my hair or nails done!  I don't want to be questioned about whether I NEEDED a new pair of jeans, or WANTED them!  I don't want a boyfriend!

I would like a friend!  Someone I can talk to.  Someone who gives me butterflies when the phone rings, or message beeps!  Maybe a stolen week-end away with no strings attached.

I DO believe in happy marriages.  I know of MANY.  But I have been down that road ... twice and being the good girl never got me anywhere.  I was told by someone on Friday night, that he could fall in love with me, "but you give me the cold shoulder!" I am so glad he got the message - I don't want to fall in love, or have anyone fall in love with me.  Not now!

To my male friends who are married or in relationships - please don't pass cute remarks.  I know the difference between flirting and being nice.  It makes me uncomfortable and I will not go down that road.

I have learnt so much over the past few months, and have been contemplating this post for a while.  So what have I learnt?  To let go of all the negative things in my life.  Not to "sweat the small stuff'.  That happiness is vital and if something makes me unhappy, to let it go.  I have learnt to stay away from gossip.  If people have things to say, that's their right - maybe I gave them something to talk about and that's ok!  I just won't be a part of it.  I have learnt not to be ashamed of my age, or who I am.  I am not ashamed of my wrinkles (although I can't say I LIKE them ;))  Each one has a story to tell - hopefully the smile ones are the more prominent.  I learnt that age is but a number, and that I am only as young as I feel ... and right now, I'm feeling exactly the same way as I did when I was 20!

Disclaimer:  These are my thoughts only.  No-one prompted me to write them down and they are not directed at anyone or meant to offend anyone.